Dear Isaiah, how can I be cool?

Dear student,

Unfortunately, you are asking a person who is also … not cool. But you might consider trying a leather jacket and sunglasses.

If you end up becoming cool, please let me know how you did it. Please.

Isaiah

Why is nobody in this school capable of parking? (myself included)

-road rager

Dear fellow road rager,

Typically when teenagers hear that alarm clock go off each morning, our hand somehow wanders to the snooze button—and maybe multiple times. Because of this, being late to school is very probable, leading to being sleep deprived, and rushed teenagers flying around Park City to get to school on time. To add another point, it seems as though when we get to the parking lot there are three spots left and everyone who is getting there at the same time as you is all racing to get the last spot. Consequently, the parking jobs are botched.

Isaiah

Dear Isaiah,

What color is the sky actually? Why is it always blue in children’s books?

Sweet regards, your curious PCHS student

Dear curious PCHS student,

The “sky,” per se, does not actually have a color. It appears blue because of a phenomenon called “rayleigh scattering.” The sky is blue in children’s books because the sky looks blue and light blue is a happy color:)

Sincerely,

Isaiah

P.S You made me do research ugh.

How do I cheat without getting caught?

Dear Cheater,

On a test? Or on a person?? If you’re gonna cheat on a test there are many ways like writing it on the inside of your arm but there are plenty more that are better (but I am not going to write them because this is a SCHOOL newspaper). If on a person. . .don’t.

Don’t cheat—don’t do it.

Isaiah

If I put my monkey in the shower will it shrink?

Thanks, zoo

Dear zoo,

You can read the washing label on the end of the right ear. If you use cold water it will shrink but if you use really hot water the monkey will end up growing into Godzilla.

Good luck,

Isaiah

Blam, I make food. Professional Chef. I work in a nice kitchen. I started tainting the food with select traces of e-coli and anthrax. Is this immoral?

From, Stew (Get it! His name is Stew, like the food!)

Dear Stew,

No. Please stop doing that.

Isaiah

Why are relationships in high school so hard?

Desperate, Crushed Crazy

Dear Crushed Crazy, 

Trust me, relationships can be hard, especially in high school. There is always so much going on like homework, sports, working, and keeping up with social circles. Sometimes it’s hard to understand that each person has their own lives and their own friends so it can be hard to find time to focus on each other.

Love, 

Isaiah

What are the best toppings for ice cream?

Dear fellow ice cream lover,

That’s a hard question, there are way too many toppings to choose from. It really depends on what you like, personally I’m a big chocolate fan so I like putting brownies or chocolate sauce on my ice cream. I know some people who like putting sprinkles, or bananas. So follow your heart to find your one true ice cream topping love.

Isaiah

How do I know if I’m wasting my time?

Dear worldly conscious human being,

First off, what a great question! Secondly, because of societal expectations we tend to feel as though we are not doing enough, when in reality, it is important to take time for yourself as well as take care of your responsibilities. If you enjoy what you are doing, feel fulfilled, and think it will help you in the future, you are using your time exactly as you should:)

Love Isaiah 

How do I push 🅿️?

Dear confused,

That’s a good question…I have no idea.

I’m as confused as you are,

Isaiah