As we all know, racism no longer exists in this enlightened era, and the wage gap is a myth perpetuated by liberal media to rob men of their money. Our society provides almost the same opportunities and obstacles to every member. We strive every day for perfect equality, yet one inequality still remains. Sexism is a real issue in our society, and every day we must push to be better and more equitable than the day before.

As more Planned Parenthood clinics are defunded by male politicians, women’s access to health care is diminishing rapidly. In order to rectify this inequality, government agencies should defund general hospitals, making them inaccessible to men and equalizing medical access for men and women.

For this reason, and for many more, the closure or limitation of hospitals is the only reasonable solution. In order to provide equal access to health care for all American citizens, we must eliminate all options.

It’s simply unjust that women alone have the right to black market, adventurous care options that endanger and discomfort them. By defunding hospitals, men could access this individualized, free-market treatment. Prostate cancer testing in underground clinics for men would be an exciting attempt to get health care, just as women are currently able to foray into back alleys for treatment. Eliminating hospitals allows for the sort of individualistic, non-federal provision of care that America is all about.

Furthermore, this plan means no more awkward, uncomfortable conversations about sexual habits and STDs with doctors. No longer would women alone have the pleasure of living with uncomfortable, painful diseases. Eliminating hospitals would grant men this American right, as well as the right to spread their diseases to others as they please.

This plan would not only eradicate the sexism inherent in our provision of healthcare, it would also free up funds for more important ventures, like government officials’ campaigns, Second Amendment protections, roadwork, or even education. In fact, we as a country spend trillions of dollars every year on health expenditures. That sort of money could also fill thousands of potholes on American roads, improving driving across the nation.

In 2013 we spent $2.9 trillion on national health expenditures. 32.1% of that went toward hospital care, 5.3% went to nursing homes and retirement communities, 20.1% was for physician and clinical services, and 9.3% was allocated to prescription drugs.

Think about that: 32% is $928 billion. The average cost of a student in public school is $10,000, including local, state, and federal money. $928 billion could put 7.7 million students through 12 years of public school, or 12.9 million students in Utah where we spend only $6,000 per student per year.

This sum is important for school systems in the future. As Planned Parenthood loses funding, access to birth control is diminished and we can expect a surge in children in public schools. By defunding hospitals, we could provide adequate public education for the tsunami of unwanted children.

Or that money could be used to fill 8 to 40 billion potholes.

Furthermore, defunding hospitals would block access to birth control for men, just as defunding Planned Parenthood does for many women. The responsibility of birth control would no longer fall solely on female shoulders. Instead, there would be none. Clearly this benefits women as well as men. Our planet is sparsely populated, so the inevitable explosive population growth would benefit America’s industrial sector and send more taxpayers into the system to support an aging baby-boomer generation.

Along the same vein, defunding hospitals would allow weak, sick, or otherwise imperfect people to die off, meaning that humanity could continue to evolve. As more children are born due to the lack of birth control, the imperfect among them would be allowed to fail, and humanity could begin rapid evolution. Simply put, eliminating general health care allows for the eventual creation of a perfect human race.

Liberals see that as too radical, but they misunderstand Darwin’s theory of evolution. When we allow the weak to prosper, we stagnate. Hospitals are unnatural and in direct opposition to the forces of nature.

It’s only fair that all members of society have equal access to health care. Although some say that it’s unfair to saddle men with the responsibilities and dangers of their own health and care, it’s simply an exercise in equality. In a society where women are stripped of the ability to make decisions about their own bodies and future responsibilities, the only way to bring about complete equality is to similarly restrict men. Or allow women that basic right by providing accessible health care. But that would be ridiculous.