As college application season slowly nears to a close I find myself still hard-pressed to answer the question: Who am I? What goes on inside the mind of Zachary Minter? Apart from confusion, anger, and inner turmoil, idk. Many adults have told me that I really shouldn’t know at this stage in life, and I completely understand that, but when I see others seemingly have their minds and goals so clearly set, I can’t help but wonder whether or not I’m falling behind. 

I feel like I’ve had a lot of growth as a person through my high school career, and as it comes to a close I look back and reflect, like most of y’all are also probably doing, on who I’ve become. Yes, I’ve matured, but beyond that, who have I become? I fear that my coping mechanisms and experiences have formed me, on the one hand, to feel more comfortable within my own niche. On the other, however, I feel embittered, often holier-than-thou, but at the same time, not really. This cognitive dissonance, or maybe just confusion, as I look into the mirror and see the face looking back at me drives me crazy. Maybe that’s the first step, forcing my trademark indecisive personality to make a choice. 

Because without knowing what I like at least now, how am I supposed to plan for the future? Now that I’m supposed to submit a potential major for some applications I can’t help but worry whether or not it’s the right thing. I want to pursue so much, but feel as if I have so little time, or frankly, money, to try my hand at so many different things. For now, it’s psychology, but it’s been businessman, ad executive, music manager, producer, film director, chef, rancher, video game developer, pharmacist, doctor, scholar, and once, priest. Maybe I’ll reject society entirely, and go become a farmer on my own land somewhere far away. But even that scares me.

I feel as if many people tell me that I have so many opportunities to take advantage of. And while that may be true in some cases, when it’s time to face facts, reality can hit hard. Would I love to have some Parts Unkown or Top Gear type show where I can roam around the world with my friends and document my travels? Sure, but is it easy to get that sort of a big break? No. And is the constant traveling a good lifestyle, idk. Sure, maybe I’d like to do X thing, but there’s always some sort of reason why I shouldn’t. But while I understand I can’t look for the “perfect” job, how can I be happy?

Yes, it would be nice to continue exploring my options and my world. But I fear that one day when I hit a certain age, that lifestyle just won’t be sustainable anymore. To be honest, though, I’m probably just freaking myself out. “Do not let this man think about the future.”