Eggs, over-easy. Photo by Brent Allan Johnson.

According to unreliable sources I found after a single Google search, about 95% of Americans believe that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, yet only 44% of people actually partake.


I understand it’s hard for us students to have breakfast in the morning. We wake up at six–some of us even earlier, the poor bastards–and school starts at seven-thirty. With such little time, it’s only efficient to skip breakfast.


But there are many of us who actively skip breakfast in favor of lunch. Those people need to be institutionalized—locked in a straight jacket and thrown into a padded room and forgotten!


Lunch is inferior to breakfast in all ways. What is lunch, anyway? Soup? Salad? Sandwiches? What a depressing meal! That’s what they feed to federal inmates!


Breakfast is a soulful and filling meal. Bacon. Eggs. Pancakes. French toast. All of these things are better than flavored water or leaves in a bowl that is only eaten for the dressing. Look, I’m a tall, heavy guy, and breakfast is the best at satiating my appetite. I’m in favor of skipping lunch altogether. Eat a hearty breakfast and a formidable dinner.


In the essay that first coined the term ‘Brunch,’ published in Hunter’s Weekly under the title “Brunch: A Plea,” writer Guy Beringer said, “Brunch is a hospitable meal; breakfast is not. Eggs and bacon are adapted to solitude…” But what Guy didn’t understand was that solitude is the point.


Humans have made life so complicated. People’s patience for things has dropped, and our attention span has been on the decline. Technology is getting quicker, but the human mind can only go so fast.


The population has grown so large that seldom are we ever truly alone. Breakfast, for a short time, slows us down. It’s a quiet, meditative meal. It’s here—as we eat eggs, or whatever you imagine yourself eating—that we’re given time to just think. We think of an answer posed by rock-n’-roll writer, Ray Davis, “All life we work, but work is a bore./If life is for living, what’s livin’ for?” Or whatever else tickles your brain.


In short, breakfast is the best meal, and it’s shameful that so many of us skip it, instead opting for lunch—the meal for simple-minded and depressing fools. Breakfast is a much-needed energy boost to get us through the hardest part of the day.


The meal doesn’t need to be big, by the way. My breakfast on school days is a bowl of cereal and coffee—sometimes I replace the cereal with oatmeal. But when I have the time for it, I like my eggs over-easy.