Preface: The following information may be dangerous and the Park City Prospector does not endorse it. This guide is for students only, who don’t want to wake up earlier to skip ski traffic but want to get to school on time. This will only contain information for students who take 40 and Kearns with a Part Two for 224 if enough people view this article or if someone Venmoes @asher-levine-3 (that’s a joke, kinda). 

Thanks to Vail and all of its suckiness, high school students in Park City are put at a disadvantage — they either are forced to get less sleep to wake up early and be on time, or they get to class late due to traffic. Luckily, I have the solution for you. 

To start, you must determine how bad the traffic is. Ask yourself these key questions: How much snow was there last night? Is it still snowing? Do I have a late start? 

If you don’t have a late start, traffic generally isn’t as bad, and leaving 5 minutes early usually solves the problem. However, the following tips and tricks can still be used if warranted. 

If you have a late start and traffic is really bad, and potentially backed up onto the highway, exit near the Silver Summit Cafe. Take the frontage road behind Home Depot to Kearns, and turn right. Here’s where you need to be bold. Once past the light, merge right into the right turn lane into Quinn’s. Why would you turn right? Well, you are skipping all the traffic from the underpass to the movie studio. Immediately pop a U-ie, (assuming it is safe to do so) and enter the right turn lane back onto Kearns. The traffic will be bad enough that you can merge into it even on a red because it is so slow. If a tourist decides not to let you in, turn your music up, sip your Starbucks, and make them. You run these roads. 

Once back onto Kearns, merge into the left lane. As soon as you do so, turn your blinker on, enter the dividing lane (make sure you are past the opposing traffic’s turn lane into Quinn’s) to the left and haul [expletive] to the Richardson Flats light. Turn left, once again pop a U-ie, and the light will let you back on to Kearns shortly. You may anger some tourists but your education is far more important than any tourist wasting precious powder on their 5-year-olds who do nothing but cut people off. 

Maybe it’s a weekend, and you want to ski at PCMR but once again traffic dissuades you. Fear not. The same traffic-skipping tips can be applied. However, now you must wait in all the traffic around PC hill to the resort. Sike! Turn left right after you pass PC Hill, assuming the no left turn sign isn’t flashing (or if they are and you’re feeling brave and don’t see a police car), and enter the Prospector neighborhood. Drive a few streets back and turn right. Finagle your way across the neighborhood while skipping all the traffic you would have been sitting in. If done correctly, you should be spat out after Alberto’s, much closer to PCMR. If the no left turn lane signs are flashing, remain in traffic until the light at Treasure, turn left into Prospector where it is always legal to do so, and follow the previous tips.

If pulled over for any of these life-saving tricks, do not mention the Park City Prospector, and DO NOT mention the author of this article. We are not responsible for your ineptitude in avoiding getting caught committing traffic violations. 

Map Key:

Red – where you are driving 

Blue – when you are in a turn lane

Pink Circle – where you make a U-ie