Dear Isaiah Advice Column, Volume Three

Dear Isaiah Advice Column, Volume Three

Dear Isaiah,
I’m very much done with school and extremely burnt out. How shall I move forward?!?!?!?!
Sincerely, your average hot-mess student

Dear Average hot mess student,
First of all, I would take one day a week to be a complete slob: binge-watch a really bad show, lay in bed, and don’t leave your house (Sundays are perfect for this). Take some time to reevaluate your life, then make a sensible plan for moving forward.
Keep calm and carry on!



How do I sign up for earth club? How can I be a good member?
Sincerely, Someone who cares about the planet

Dear someone who cares about the planet,
Email And don’t forget to take care of the planet on your own. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. Boom.



What are your thoughts on the Utah Jazz deciding to rebuild?
Thanks, The die-hard Utah Jazz Fan.

Jazz Fan,

Don’t be too worried. As long as Lauri Markkanen continues to play like prime MJ, the Jazz will be just fine. And if you get sad about Donovan Mitchell, just remember: they absolutely fleeced the Timberwolves.




I have no idea how to get into college, or any of the steps to take. How would I do that?
Dear student,
I hope you are not a senior.
Schedule a meeting with your counselor to discuss college plans and applications ASAP.

Best of luck!



Dear Isaiah, How do I get a boy to love me?
Sincerely, the lonely lover
Dear Lonely Lover,
This is almost pathetic. Focus on yourself! Start a bullet journal! Get some crystals! Get off TikTok!



What should you do if you’re having a rough day while at school?
Adapt and overcome baby. Romanticize your life. It works every time.
Yours Truly,



When do I get to stop feeling so worthless all the time?
I don’t know much about the economy but this inflation thing has gotten to me too. I would say marry rich or buy some Bitcoin.



How can you manage after-school activities with school?
Dear Student,
If you’re overwhelmed with after-school activities then it’s time to drop some of them. Make a pro and con list for each one to evaluate whether it’s worth participating in. Time management is key, do your homework the day it’s assigned so nothing gets left behind.
Yours Truly,



How do I get a girlfriend?
Sincerely, a Single student.
Dear Single student,
Talk to her more often. Be nice. Maybe get her some starbs once in a while. And up your rizz game. Confidence is key. Be yourself.



Dear Isaiah, Why does nobody love me
Probably because you don’t understand punctuation lol.



Should people go and see Newsies this week (November 17th-19th)?
Sincerely, The Theater Kid

Absoluuuuuutely. Everyone — buy your tickets here.